LowComDom Performances Presents
How to keep the office on its toes ...
Put on your headphones on whenever the boss comes into the office. Talk in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when he or she leaves.
When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee.
Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your daytimer.
"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
E-mail nude GIFs (graphic image files) of yourself to your co-workers. Tell them you got them off the Internet.
Hang mistletoe over your desk.
Include a personal note on every e-mail you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom. When people complain that there was none... just lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." See how long it takes until the last person stops believing you. Then start planting pizzas.
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
"When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often."