LowComDom Performances Presents
The following is apparently an actual transcript of part of a writers meeting for Armageddon:
Begin transcript: *** WRITER A And so then the Mir spacestation blows up while the shuttles are right beside it!
WRITER B So everyone is killed?
WRITER A No no... they're all right. So then they start the loop around the moon, and
WRITER B Doesn't getting to the moon take days?
WRITER A Well these are hot-rod space shuttles. Anyway they both fire up their engines and start flying over the surface... the radio silence increases the tension even more! They start pulling like 12 Gs... and
WRITER B Isn't 8 G's about the most an experienced pilot can withstand before blacking out?
WRITER A Well, 12 Gs sounds way more intense! Also the speedometer on the shuttle goes like up to 20,000 mph!
WRITER B The space shuttle has a speedometer?
WRITER A Well this one does... you know it's a high-tech digital readout. So anyway, they come around the moon and like everyone is totally relieved that they made it, and they see the asteroid! It's like a vision of hell... wispy gas surrounding this awesomely evil spiked rock! They start towards it and they turn on their radar avoidance manoeuvring jets, because the thing is surrounded by thousands of volkswagen sized jagged meteors swirling around in a hellish maelstrom.
WRITER B So these are pretty maneoverable shuttles.
WRITER A Well ya, it's a secret prototype. Anyway the meteor storm gets worse and then it's like 10 times worse that the asteroid field in Star Wars!
WRITER B So they're all killed?
WRITER A No no, one of the shuttles lands OK, but it misses its target area because of the meteors. The other shuttle is torn to shreds by the storm of jagged rocks and crashes on the meteor.
WRITER B So those guys are killed.
WRITER A Well, there are three survivers who dust themselves off. And the drilling rover is OK. They are protected by the cargo bay.
WRITER B Have you ever seen news footage of when a plane slams into the side of a mountain? There often aren't many pieces left bigger than a seat cushion.
WRITER A Look, I don't think you're being constructive here! Anyway the three guys are OK and so they take the rover and drive it through the side of the cargo bay!
WRITER B They just drive it through the side like it was nothing? This is the cargo bay that protected them?
WRITER A Oh wait... ya! They take a gatling gun and tear the hell out of the side of the shuttle first!! It's a maelstrom of lead!
WRITER B What?! What the hell are they doing with a gatling gun?
STUDIO EXEC Audiences love serious firepower.
WRITER B They brought along a gatling gun? Are you out of your fucking mind?
STUDIO EXEC Look, we need team players here. Why don't you take the rest of the week off and, uh, I'll give you a call next Monday.
**** End transcript.