LowComDom Performances Presents
Most of these one-liners are from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Vent column (reader's comments on life and current events):
After seeing how Disney is doing financially, I was wondering if I could get the Southern Baptists to boycott my company.
The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2+2=5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.
It's not classy, it's cheap. When restaurants charge $1.50 and up for iced tea, I ask for water with a lemon so that I can make lemonade.
Of course I tip my waiters, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
When I told my 5-year-old this morning that I loved him, he replied, "Now what did you do wrong, Momma?"
Never kick a man unless he's down.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
If there wasn't the risk of having a baby, would sex be as much fun?
It is not politically correct to say that people are fat or obese. They are merely overzealous connoisseurs of the art of cuisine.
The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers.
My wife wanted a change of scenery, so I showed her the kitchen.
While I was out of town, burglars broke into my apartment, but they didn't take anything. It really hurt my feelings.
If the Republicans were really serious about saving us money, they'd adjourn Congress as soon as the President signs the budget. Don't count on it.
The less I see of New Gingrich the easier it is for me to forget him.
It's better to say something good about a bad person than to say something bad about a good person.