LowComDom Performances Presents
The Top 16 Other Revelations of Former Mouseketeers
16> Two hits of mescaline from the guy in the mouse suit would get you much happier than a line from the guy in the duck suit.
15> The never-explained disappearance of black Mousketeer "Arnold."
14> Lassie was a boy before those little Mouseketeers bastards showed up.
13> 50-something Mouseketeers forced to give Mike Ovitz a tonguebath as part of his severance package.
12> Doreen now trades lap dances at the senior center for bingo money.
11> Siamese Mouseketeers Cheng and Eng, linked at the ears, were dumped before the first show.
10> Point the mouse ears just right and you can pick up Radio Free Cuba.
9> Roy was actually Al Roker in "whiteface."
8> Cubby ostracized by other members after admission of ear fetish.
7> Cubby "seeded" the female cast members regularly in Walt's crazed attempt to bioengineer a race of untainted mouseketeers.
6> Proof of Chuck's disturbing devotion to the mouse: whisker implants.
5> The leads in Toy Story were named "Buzz" and "Woody" in honor of a Walt, if you know what I mean.
4> Mouseketeers routinely required to attend "Ears Only" dress rehearsals for Uncle Walt and his buddies.
3> Mickey Mouse: high voice, affinity for young children, white/black skin -- sound familiar?
2> Annette got help filling out that sweater from Chip 'n' Dale.
and the Number 1 Other Revelation of Former Mouseketeers...
1> Anyone remember Mouseketeer "Little Teddy" Kaczynski?