LowComDom Performances Presents
You Just Don't Argue With The Oracle
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
> Oracle most wise and wonderful, > > I am at a career crossroads; should I become an astronaut, a > fireman, or a sysadmin?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
This is the kind of question that these "handy comparison charts" were just made to answer:
PURPOSE OF YOUR CAREER Astronaut: Advancing scientific knowledge for the good of humanity. Fireman: Saving lives and property. Sysadmin: Assuring uninterrupted access to alt.binaries.erotica.sheep.
ADVICE YOU'LL GIVE KIDS WHO WANT TO FOLLOW IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS Astronaut: "Study science and math and eat your vegetables." Fireman: "Study science and math and eat your vegetables." Sysadmin: "DON'T DO IT! RUN AWAY!"
QUESTION YOU'LL BE MOST TIRED OF ANSWERING Astronaut: "Where do you go to the bathroom?" Fireman: "Do you really slide down a pole when the alarm goes off?" Sysadmin: "Can't you do anything about all this spam I've been getting?"
WILL YOU EVER BE ON TV? Astronaut: Yes! Fireman: Occasionally. Sysadmin: Only MSNBC's "The Site," which doesn't technically count as TV.
WILL YOUR JOB EVER GET ANY EASIER? Astronaut: As computers get more and more advanced and able to control more of the functions of the space vehicle, yes. Fireman: As more and more people install smoke detectors in their homes, yes. Sysadmin: As more and more clueless newbies discover the Internet, absolutely not.
INSPIRING MOVIE ABOUT YOUR PROFESSION Astronaut: "The Right Stuff" Fireman: "Backdraft" Sysadmin: Uh... gee, I'm really drawing a blank here... "Wargames"?
YOUR WORK HOURS Astronaut: Fairly long days during the mission, but lots and lots of time between missions to relax. Fireman: 24-hour shifts, but 48 hours between shifts to relax. Sysadmin: Not really "work hours" or even "work days"... more like "work millenia."
FRINGE BENEFITS OF YOUR JOB Astronaut: Lots of good stories to tell to impress members of the opposite sex. Fireman: Lots of good stories to tell to impress members of the opposite sex. Sysadmin: You get ALL of the jokes in "Dilbert."
NUMBER OF COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR PROFESSION Astronaut: A few, from people who think the government should be spending its money in different ways. Fireman: A few, from people who think you take too long to arrive following a 911 call. Sysadmin: You'll have to learn what comes after "trillion" to be able to count them all.
YOUR VEHICLE Astronaut: Multimillion-dollar space vehicle atop multimillion-dollar rocket. Fireman: Big red truck with flashing lights and siren. Sysadmin: 1978 AMC Gremlin.
In conclusion, if the sysadmin option has seemed the most appealing in even one of these categories, you should become a sysadmin.