LowComDom Performances Presents
The Top 16 Signs It's Time to Flee Your Country
16> For your birthday, everyone gets you the same present: a monogrammed blindfold and a cigarette.
15> Al Cowlings pulls up in your Bronco with your passport and fake beard.
14> Posted Holiday Inn rates in capital city: One night, $49.00; two nights, $98.00; from now until the Right Hand of Death rains fire and destruction on this hellhole of deceit and ends your pathetic life in the bloodiest of coups, $147.00.
13> The new flag? Your face with a big red slash across it.
12> After the bullet grazes your forehead, you realize this "Banana Republic photo shoot" is not what you expected.
11> Life insurance company informs you that "death by firing squad" and "mob lynching" now fall under their Act of God exclusions.
10> International press starts saying "brutal dictator" like it's a bad thing.
9> You see the writing on the wall. In fact, it's on every wall in the capital.
8> The Palace Guards' new salute employs only one finger.
7> That flaming tire hanging from your neck is starting to chafe.
6> National Deficit: 24 billion. Wife's shoe bill: 24 billion.
5> Two words: President Limbaugh.
4> The guy who tastes your food has hired a guy to taste his food.
3> In recent election: 3 votes for you to remain in power; 21,459,216 votes to cover your remains with ox manure.
2> Your only hope for victory? The French Army.
and the Number 1 Sign It's Time to Flee Your Country...
1> Simply can't rely on that goober husband of yours to come through with a presidential pardon.