LowComDom Performances Presents
In The News...
On Screens: The Navy's chief information officer, Adm. Kendall Pease, says the Navy did not assist on Demi Moore's new film, "G.I. Jane," because the script was so unrealistic. "Same thing happened when the Pussycat Club refused to help her with 'Striptease.'" (Bob Mills)
The Pentagon said the film doesn't reflect today's military. "Yeah, in the movie Demi Moore doesn't bed her drill sergeant." (Daily Scoop)
Bill Gates admits that he purchased a $150-million share of Apple purely as a convenience. "It seems he went out to buy his nephew a Macintosh for his birthday, and the computer store was closed." (Mills)
The Rolling Stones' Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are reportedly not speaking, says the Daily Scoop. "A source says they're fighting over the same things as usual -- what songs to record, when to tour, when to replace Keith's blood supply..."
Musical Life: "Singer Michael Bolton is now recording an album of Italian opera," says Rudolph J. Cecera. "In a related story, Italy has declared war on us."
The Rolling Stones will launch their first U.S. tour in three years next month. "The news comes despite reports of a feud between Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. In fact, the new album is called 'Grumpy Old Rockers.'" (Cutler Daily Scoop)
"Black Sabbath has reunited for a tour," says Alan Ray. "The act is quite dramatic -- smoke, fireworks, swinging lights. And then they're finished with the hotel, it's off to the show."
Inside the Beltway: Al Gore was praised for trimming government size, says Hamilton. "President Clinton's White House staff is half the size of President Ronald Reagan's. Of course, back in those days they had to shred by hand."
The National Institutes of Health says smoking pot may have health benefits. "The bad news is the researchers forgot what they were." (Daily Scoop)
Weird Facts: "Fleetwood Mac is back together, Microsoft and Apple have joined forces, and Donny and Marie are coming back to TV. Is there any doubt the millennium is coming?" (Olympia Daily World)
"The DEA arrested 28 people Monday in the latest effort to stop Mexico's drug lords from doing business in New York City," says Argus Hamilton. "This didn't have to happen. That's 28 trials a free John Gotti could have saved us."
Atlanta pitcher Greg Maddux's five-year $57.5-million contract makes him the highest paid player in baseball, says Johnny Robish. "That's almost enough money to make a plumber jealous."
Pop Culture Watch: "Barney the dinosaur will soon star in a movie. I believe it's titled 'Jurassic Dork.'" (Rudolph J. Cecera)
Hasbro will add a female doll to its G.I. Joe collection, says Hamilton. "She comes in full combat gear. This includes a rifle, a bayonet, two lawyers, a defendant, his lawyer, three other victims and a movie deal."
Americana: Republicans now have their own Visa card, says Cecera. "It gives you a large line of credit and if you fall behind in your payments, you can borrow money from Bob Dole."
ASCAP has agreed to let children at summer camps sing copyrighted songs around the campfire for a $1 fee per year per camp. "The composer of 'Greasy, Grimy Gopher Guts' is apparently outraged, and suing for more royalties." (Premiere Morning Sickness)
Morgan Creek Productions is working on "Exorcist: The Beginning." A prequel to the 1970s horror film. "What is it? Satan, the early years?" (Daily Scoop)
Technology Bites: "The 'Orange Crush' interchange in Orange County has been rated the world's most complex," says Paul Ecker. "There are 629,000 cars a day traveling over 66 lanes, and just think how many more there would be if anyone ever used the carpool lanes."
"It's so complex I saw a guy standing on an onramp with a sign that said, 'Will work for directions.'" (Ecker)
The Feds: U.S. Atty. Gen. Janet Reno has called for treating sentencing for possession of powder and crack cocaine the same, says Jay Leno. "And she's getting a lot of support from politicians. In fact, D.C. Mayor Marion Barry said, 'I've tried them both and I can't tell the difference.'"