LowComDom Performances Presents
SALESMAN: "Hello Thompsons's Appliance"
ME: "Yes, Where are you located?"
SALESMAN: "We're on the corner of 5th and Main street."
ME: "What state?"
SALESMAN: "Colorado. Where are you calling from?"
ME: "California. Do you sell matching washers and dryers?"
SALESMAN: "We sure do. Got a set on special this week."
ME: "Okay, I'll be running right over to pick them up."
SALESMAN: "You mean driving right?"
ME: "Actually no. I'll be running."
SALESMAN: "Are you #!*%ing nuts?! That's over 1000 miles!"
ME: "That's okay, I'm eating a "Powerbar".
SALESMAN: "And that's it?"
ME: "Yeah, it should give me enough energy to get there."
SALESMAN: "Are those things any good?"
ME: "Well let me put it this way. Have you ever opened up the fridge and noticed that you still have pizza left over from two weeks ago, and you open up the oil stained box and smell it?"
SALESMAN: "Yes I have."
ME: "Well that oil stained cardboard box tastes better than these things."
SALESMAN: "I thought so."
ME "So do have some rope so that you can tie the appliances to my back."
SALESMAN: "Yeah, I think we can scrounge some up. What makes those Powerbar things work."
ME: "It's kind of like this. Your driving home and you just finished eating a bran muffin. Then you notice that there's an accident up ahead and traffic is stopped, but you need to GO."
SALESMAN: "And that's what makes you keep going."
ME: "Yeah, once I eat it I take off looking for a gas station the whole way."
SALESMAN: "Wow, now it all makes sense. Aren't those things kind of dry?"
ME: "I have a full set of dentures."
SALESMAN: "How old are you?"
ME: "Twenty-nine. They stick to everything and have pulled all of my teeth out."
SALESAMAN: "Well at least they're nutritious."
ME: "This one has 14 grams of protein, 10 grams of carbs and negative two grams of fat."
SALESMAN: "How can it have negative two grams of fat?"
ME: "They are so dry that they actually suck two grams of fat out of you on their way through."
ME: "I just finished it so I gotta go."
SALESMAN: "Okay, I'll see you when you get here."
ME: "Alright. Goodbye."