LowComDom Performances Presents
Signs Your Cruise Ship Isn't A Luxury Liner
The Top 15 Signs Your Cruise Ship Isn't A Luxury Liner
15> Life-saving dinghy doubles as a banana split boat.
14> "Dinner with the Captain" means you wear your Sunday best to eat a bowl of Cap'n Crunch.
13> Shipboard entertainment choice: Shipboard entertainment choice: Wayland Flowers & Madam or Vickie Lawrence Unplugged.
12> The all-you-can-eat buffet is a bowl of Chex mix and a carton of red wine with a straw stuck in it.
11> Their version of "Baked Alaska" consists of a flaming quart of crude oil.
10> At every exotic port of call, the same native custom: Washing the otters and toweling off the rocks.
9> You begin to suspect something when the ship accelerates from "battle speed" to "ramming speed."
8> Other ships' entree: Pheasant under glass. Your ship's entree: Pigeon in a Ziplock bag.
7> Ship's gymnasium? No weights. No Stairmasters. 500 rowing machines.
6> The "poop deck" got it's name for a very legitimate reason.
5> "Your attention please: Fresh Mexican strawberries are now being served on the Prominade deck."
4> "Ice sculpture" on the buffet table is in the shape of an Igloo cooler.
3> The urinal in your bathroom is actually a small window overlooking the pool.
2> Kathy Lee says you have to finish 100 sweatshirts before you get shore leave.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Cruise Ship Isn't A Luxury Liner...
1> "Welcome aboard the Valdez. I'm Captain Hazelwood."