LowComDom Performances Presents
It was April the 41st - it being a quadruple leap year - and I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop so I was driving a red Stingray, and it was overheating. So I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay?"
While they were doing that I went across the street to the Oyster Bar - real dive. But I knew the owner, Gill, 'cause he used to play fall the Dolphins. I said, "HI, GILL!" - you have to yell, he's hard of herring.
So I gullied up the sand bar, ordered three fingers of Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, with a peanut butter and jelly fish sandwich on side, heavy on the maco. I was feeling good. I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's Squids, for the halibut.
Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were probably there to hear the Big Band sounds of Tommy Dorsil. He was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna: Salmon-chanted Evening and the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers - probably there to see the bass player.
Well, one of them was this cute little yellow tail, and she's givin' me the eye. So I figured this was my chance for a little fun - you know, piece of Pisces. but she said things I just couldn't fathom, she was too deep - seemed to be under a lot of pressure. And boy could she drink. She drank like a... she drank a lot.
And then she gives me that same old line, "Not tonight, I gotta haddock." And she wasn't kiddin' either, 'cause in walked the biggest, meanest lookin' haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with muscles. He said, "Hey, shrimp, don't you come trollin' around here." I said, "Abalone, you're just bein' shelfish."
Well, I could tell there was gonna be trouble and so could Gill 'cause he was already on the phone to the cods. The haddock hit me with a sucker punch. I landed him with a left hook. He eeled over. It was a fluke, but there he was lying on the deck flat as a mackerel.
I said, "Forget the cods, Gill, this guy's gonna need a sturgeon." Well, the yellow tail was pretty impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She said, "hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?" I said..., "Marlin."
After that we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took her to dance. I even bought her a bouquet of flounders, on porpoise. And what did I get for my troubles? A case of the clams.