LowComDom Performances Presents
Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of temperance. Each year, for the past fourteen, I have made a tour of Scotland and the North of England, and have delivered a series of lectures on the evils of drinking. On this tour I have been accompanied by a young friend and assistant, David Powell. David, a young man of good family and excellent background, is a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in alcohol and women.
David would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform, wheezing and staring at the audience through bleary, bloodshot eyes, sweating profusely, picking his nose, passing wind and making obscene gestures, while I would point him out as an example of what debauchery would do to a person.
Last summer, unfortunately David died. A mutual friend has given me your name and I have taken the liberty of observing you for a few weeks. In my opinion, you are a natural, and a perfect replacement for David, and therefore I wonder if you would care to take David's place on my next tour.
Yours in the faith,
Rev. Harold Knight The Rescue Mission