LowComDom Performances Presents
The Top 15 Signs You Have a Gambling Problem
15> Your attempt to sweet-talk your wife by comparing her eyes to "two oranges and a cherry" fails dismally.
14> Who knew you'd lose your shirt betting Bruce would go bald before Demi?
13> It's not that you bet on the Australians to win; it's that you bet on the America's Cup in the first place!
12> You wagered against Ellen being gay... Double or nothing on Wolfe Blitzer!
11> Ceasar's Palace sends a limo to pick you up - and you live in Rushville, Indiana.
10> Although uncredited, you were in more scenes of "Leaving Las Vegas" than Nicolas Cage.
9> Strong desire to have sex with Keith Richards and/or Courtney Love. 8> Every night during "Wheel of Fortune," you scream, "Screw the vowels, spin the damn wheel!!"
7> You bet "yes" on whether or not your suicide attempt will be successful.
6> Every year you have to get a goofy haircut because you lose the bet about being elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame.
5> You're the proud inventor of a do-it-yourself gold filling extractor. 4> When your 12-year old complains about conditions in the mines, you retort, "Try slaving over a hot craps table all day, kid!"
3> That stack of lottery tickets in your shirt pocket is thick enough to stop a bullet.
2> Donald's newest casino: The Trump Taj MaLarry. Your name: Larry.
and the Number 1 Sign You Have a Gambling Problem...
1> When someone spins a lazy Susan, you slap a C-note on the counter and yell, "Creamed corn, baby, come on!"