LowComDom Performances Presents
In The News...
Sammy "The Bull" Gravano admitted on "PrimeTime Live" that he murdered 19 people. "The good news for ABC is, no sponsors pulled out of the program," says Jay Leno. "It's not like Sammy admitted something really bad, like being gay."
Pet Corner: "A scientist in Australia says he has developed a new drug that is a tranquilizer for turtles," says Leno. "Is that a problem for anyone? Not being able to catch your turtle?"
Politics as Usual: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu appeared on TV and accused his political enemies of making false charges against him. "He's well liked in Washington," says Argus Hamilton. "President Clinton phoned to offer his support and Bob Dole called and asked how much he needs."
"Commerce Department officials are red-faced over a $1.2 billion mistake in understating US oil imports," says Mills. "The blame was laid at the feet of several new hires in the accounting department whose only previous experience was with Hollywood studios."
Clinton and Vice President Al Gore made a cybervisit to elementary schools via computer video link, and one child asked why Congress seems more concerned with prisons than schools. "Simple," says Jenny Church. "Congressmen aren't sent to school."