LowComDom Performances Presents
The Top 13 Ways To Seem "Presidential"
13> Instead of paying your bills, stamp a big red "VETO" on them.
12> Continuous loop of "Hail to the Chief" on your boom box.
11> Close your eyes, spin the globe, point, and send in troops.
10> Sink your wooden teeth into a Big Mac or two, then tell the manager to bill the Federal Reserve.
9> When faced with character assassination, stand tall and laugh it off. When faced with actual assassination, duck.
8> End every statement with, "Viva El Presidente! That's Me!"
7> Make the wife and kids run alongside the car wearing trenchcoats and sunglasses, looking around nervously and speaking into their watches.
6> As Commander-In-Chief, declare war on spouse for stealing the remote.
5> Affix your "Presidential Seal" to anything in a skirt, if you know what I mean.
4> Avoid falling off stages.
3> Simply ignore Ross Perot when he tries to jump up and bite you in the knee.
2> Always keep pants in full upright and locked position.
and the Number 1 Way To Seem "Presidential"...
1> Lie like there's no tomorrow!!!