LowComDom Performances Presents
The Top 14 Signs You're Too Old to be an Astronaut
14> Your resume includes that job as Strom Thurmond's nanny.
13> You're really looking forward to seeing the Ottoman Empire from space.
12> Your historic moonwalk speech? "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
11> Being on oxygen, wearing a waste bag, and eating pureed vegatables through a straw are old hat to you.
10> Your '96 bid for the presidency didn't quite pan out.
9> You can't remember the last time you experienced lift-off, if you know what I mean.
8> Forget the "Vomit Comet" test plane -- you failed the "turnstile" test.
7> NASA fits you for a spacesuit support bra -- but you're not female.
6> "Houston, we're venting some sort of gas out into space... no wait, it's just me."
5> NASA isn't all that impressed that you already get all your meals from a tube.
4> You can no longer see over the Shuttle steering wheel without your cushion.
3> During take-off you keep yelling, "If you kids don't knock off that racket, I'm turning this thing around and we're going straight home!"
2> Demand that liftoff be delayed because of time conflict with reruns of "Murder, She Wrote" and "Matlock."
and the Number 1 Sign You're Too Old to be an Astronaut...
1> The last time you heard talk of "strange rings around Uranus," it was from your doctor.