LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You know you're screwed when...
Dennis Rodman is the only person who can talk Kim Jong-un down.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
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In This Issue...
The Republicans and Unintelligent Design
It's just after the Boston bombings as I write. (Yeah, this just became a long-lead rag.) One terrorist is dead, the second has been captured.
Senator John McCane said he thinks this kid, an AMERICAN CITIZEN, should be treated as an enemy combatant, and not given his constitutional rights.
Senator Lindsey Graham said on Face the Nation that as soon as one of the bombers started reading Islamic web sites, the FBI should have knocked on his door, and said, 'What's going on here?'
Uh, do we really want the FBI knocking on our doors for straying from the government-approved reading list?
I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.
George Orwell - What a genius!
Creature Design 101
Create a Species
The Coccyx - Why not just finish off the spine at the pelvis? The Coccyx is a liability without benefit. It can be broken, causing great pain, but does nothing.
The Scrotum - For brevity, I'll just mention the location of the ball sack collects sweat causing discomfort, not to mention it's in a prime location for getting kicked. I suppose you could argue it will pay off in comedies.
The Knee - Were you just tired at this point? This joint is only half complete.
Cancer - This just is sloppy coding, isn't it? You have these stem cells you're using to create all the other cells, but every once in a while, one goes berserk and starts killing the rest of the body. This feels similar to the Coccyx dilemma where the code doesn't terminate properly.
The Appendix - Uh... this is an omnivore, right? I don't see the need for an auxiliary stomach. Apparently, neither did you, since you've made it worthless. Or is this more sloppy coding?
Is there a reason you've put hair over the cranium, but for some the hair falls out? Does the hair have a purpose? If so, why doesn't it last the life of the creature? If not, why waste resources on it?
Let's talk about teeth. There are too many. Those last molars don't fit, and push the rest of them out of alignment. Once again, your processes don't stop in time.
Bipedal? You know that causes nothing but trouble in all the load-bearing joints, right?
Who the hell cares???
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"If you're not willing to eat dog food, you're not starving."
"I like the calmness before this meeting. It's like you're sitting out on the water throwing bloody chum in, and then you realize, you're going to need a bigger boat."
"Yes, we're going to ruin your country by remote control."
"This is going over like a new Mayan calendar."
"Why would you buy a house that Hitler bombed?"
Did you see this? "Box Office Hits a Key to Disney's Success" Captain Obvious writes a headline!
They pay me to think. These are my thoughts. Do you think they are getting their money's worth?
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!
Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.
From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people from the Christian Right.
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