LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're a Real Geek When...
you hook up a computer to the BBQ's air intake to automatically control cooking temperature.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
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In This Issue...
Bar Trek III - The Search for Diet Coke!
Web UI developer (sunnyvale)
Wow, bitchy, aren't they?
My quest for a new writing abode continues. I thought I might have one on Bascom Avenue. Mrs. Fek'Lar originally appeared to not have a problem with Hooters. I gave her a fair description of the establishment. But then, a few weeks in I started getting subtle hints that maybe she wasn't okay with it.
The trouble was Hooters had a good bar for writing. It was well lit, and the barstool brought you very close the counter where you could reach the laptop. The food isn't that good, and they don't have Diet Coke. As for the women, they were at best a slight amusement. Oh well, on to the next candidate.
The Cupertino Elephant Bar was next on my list. The problem here was the brass rail that extends from the bar. This keeps me too far from the keyboard without straining my back. I didn't try the food. Next!
Tonight I'm at Hot Rok in downtown Sunnyvale. This was Mrs. Fek'Lar's idea. She sampled the food at the Farmer's Market and bought a gift certificate to get me to try it. You order a steak and it is brought out on a very hot rock, hence the name. You slice the raw meat and let it sit on the rock until done to your liking.
Although I'm sitting at a bar, this is really a higher-end restaurant. The food is excellent. They do have Diet Coke. The barstool does go all the way in. But can I work in a restaurant that has a good wine list? I certainly can't just blow in and drink soda and eat French Fries all evening long whilst considering the state of software. For one thing, they don't have French Fries. As much as I like Hot Rok, it just might be too pricy for my endeavor.
There's a sports bar on the corner of Evelyn and Fair Oaks in Sunnyvale called the Blue Bonnet. Amongst it's attributes, it advertises that it opens at 6AM. You know what that means, alcoholics! Maybe I should try there.
LowComDom's web site (the one you're reading) is once again up for redesign. I'm working on a prototype. I think it's time to throw out old technology and start completely new. No code will be retained, only content will be brought forward.
This is an old web site, having debuted in 1995. Through the years new ideas and technology have been tacked on as we went. The truth is, all this stuff is getting heavy, hard to maintain, and difficult to move. Mojo Cam alone usually take a few days to move onto another server. That and no one seems to know if Mojo Can is hyphenated (Mojo-Cam).
This is the normal process we refer to as "organic" in the software biz. Most programs go through this. A dot release, or even a major release is just a branching of the project's main trunk. But eventually, the code becomes unmanageable. When this happens, you start all over again. You can use your old code as a reference, but you can't use any of it.
As I said, this is part of the normal project lifecycle. Once at Big A, one of their products had been worked on by so many people, there were whole sections of code that no one knew the function of. The Product Manager documented every feature of the product, and tossed out the code. The current engineering staff was forced to figure out how to build the product with modern computer science theories.
Prototyping is like writing, you start with a blank page, and you stare at it for hours. Nothing happens. Well, that's not true. Your laptop battery runs down. But at the end of the session, you're really not far from where you began. It's a physics problem. An object at rest tends to stay at rest unless a force is applied to it. So this prototype isn't going anywhere until some force is applied. I blame Sir Isaac Newton. I'm down two batteries and have nothing to show for it.
If you think about it, designing a website is a multi-dimensional problem. There's the content for which everything else serves. But then there's the packaging that makes it viewable. Creating a navigation system alone is a lot of thinking. When you have a lot of content (LowComDom has over 17,000 unique URLs) making it easy for people and search engines to find isn't a simple prospect.
I've decided that the project will have 6 central goals.
Just 6 little goals. Readability, smart layouts, kill the cheesy ads, SEO, simple navigation, and easy to deploy. Other than the wealth of content from all these years, the name, and the logo, this is a blue sky project.
Since this isn't WTHAIS project, there's no NDA I need to worry about. I'm going to talk about this project in The Crapolla until it's done. I'm also going to make the prototype visible as I work. On a weekly basis I'll be updating the files and commenting on what's happening.
Back to my blank page. Maybe I should change the background color.
Obama's Dog Might Have to Go Back to The Pound!
Didn't Pay His Taxes
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"Where would the world be if we didn't have drones?"
"It's a big long daisy-chain of crap!"
"I either need more drugs or more scotch."
"What? Are you listening to your experiences again?"
"That's redundant! That's redundant!"
"So are you."
I'm looking for my Pantone color wheel.
They pay me to think. These are my thoughts. Do you think they are getting their money's worth?
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn!
Although written with the software professional in mind, my mind tends to wander all over the place, and I sometimes write about politics, mass stoopidity, dumb things I saw, and whatever else comes to mind.
From time to time, I use salty language, thus The Crapolla is not intended for children, or certain people from the Christian Right.
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