Why The United States is the Most Insane Country in the World

We had 39 guys who rented a Beverly Hills mansion, cut off their nuts, built a web site, and proceeded to poison themselves to death to hitch a ride with aliens out on the Hale-Bopp comet.

We shoot guns into the sky to celebrate people are killed by the bullets raining down on them for New Year's Eve, we also burn houses down, tear up streets, loot and sack our stores, and beat ourselves senseless when our sports teams win championships.

We made a sequel to Police Academy 5.

We gave an award for singing to two guys who never even sang.

We put little sweaters on dogs.

We shot John Lennon six times and didn't even aim for Yoko Ono.

We think Elvis is still alive.

We put Braille on drive-up automatic teller machines.

We sell hot dogs in packages of ten and the buns in packages of eight.

We can't even decide if pitchers should have to bat for themselves or not.

All those baseball fields we've got. And none of them are even remotely the same size.

We gave millions of dollars to a guy that told us that God was going to kill him if he didn't raise enough money. When he didn't get enough money, he didn't die. So we gave him more money in celebration of the fact that God didn't make him die.

We've managed to keep the formulas for Coca-Cola and Kentucky Fried Chicken secret for decades, we encrypt the most banal communications on our Information Superhighway, and yet we given away our most important nuclear secrets to the Chinese and Russians at the drop of a hat.