The Top Ways to Celebrate Spring Internationally

RUSSIA: Get off the mile-long line for firewood; get in the mile-long line for umbrellas.

HOLLAND: Annual Easter Clog Toss

VATICAN CITY: The Pope presides over the ceremonial casting out the first sinner.

ISRAEL: Throw cute little stuffed animals filled with rocks at the Palestinians.

LIECHTENSTEIN: Send annual "we're still a country" notification to the U.N.

CHERNOBYL: Night Parade Of the Glow-In-The-Dark Chickens

TEHRAN: Can now attend "Death to America" rally in shorts.

TOKYO: Godzilla turns his fancy from a path of destruction to thoughts of love.

ENGLAND: Leichester Larry comes out of his flat and smiles. If any teeth are straight, 6 more weeks of rain. Otherwise, 5.5 more weeks of rain.

IRELAND: Swimsuit issue of "Soccer Hooligan Illustrated" hits newsstands.