You know it's time for a diet when:

You dive into a swimming pool so your friends can go surfing.

You have to apply your makeup with a paint roller.

Weight Watchers demands your resignation.

You step on a pennyweight scale that gives you your fortune and it says, "One at a time please!"

Your face is so full that you look like you're wearing horn-rimmed contact lenses.

The bus driver asks you to sit on the other side because he wants to make a turn without flipping over.

You're at school in the classroom and turn around and erase the entire blackboard

They throw puffed rice at your wedding.

You hiccup in your bathing suit, and it looks like someone adjusting a venetian blind.

You fall down and try to get up, and in the process rock yourself to sleep.