LowComDom Performances Presents
My kind of Diet!
This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day....
1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast - Dry
8 oz Skim Milk
4 oz Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 cup Steamed Spinach
1 cup Herb Tea
1 Oreo Cookie
Rest of the Oreos in the Package
2 Pints of Rocky Road Ice cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
Nuts, Cherries, Whipped Cream
2 Loaves Garlic Bread with Cheese
Large Sausage, Mushroom and Cheese Pizza
4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars
LATE EVENING NEWS
Entire Frozen Cheesecake eaten directly from freezer
RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no-one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel, such as Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookies pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
Examples: Peanut Butter on a knife making a sandwich Ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples: Spinach & Pistachio ice cream, Mushrooms & White Chocolate.
NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.