How To Tell Where A Driver Is From

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the horn: Chicago

One hand on the wheel, one finger out window: New York

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California

With gun in lap: L.A.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy

Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is now wearing a barrel: Las Vegas

Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia

Two hands on wheel, driving forty-five in a seventy mph zone in the left lane, with the right turn signal on, and making a right turn: New Mexico

One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle

Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado

One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush and rat-tail comb to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas, Female

One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas, Country, Male

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas, City, Male

One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plates