LowComDom Performances Presents
In The News ...
Under 17: Circuit City will stop selling mature-rated video games to customers under 17. The rules are well defined. If a young person can prove that he's 17 or over, he will be ignored just like any other shopper. (Ray)
Hi Canada: Canada may decriminalize marijuana. The movement is political in nature. It's an effort by Quebec City to lure an NBA franchise. (Ray)
Chess Thugs: The Minneapolis Public Library has banned chess after several incidents of spectators hurling abusive language at players. Here's a top ten list of insults hurled at chess players in the Minneapolis Library:
You're no nerd!
You call that a pocket protector!
Who dressed you, G.Q? Ha! Ha!
Hey black socks!
You call that a move? Fonzie could do better.
Hey ump, what's the matter? Got 20-20 vision?
The cheerleaders say you're good in bed!
You're so dumb, you probably think Nietzsche is a neo post-modernist Jungian philosopher when any football player knows he's a "pre-neo," post-modernist Jungian philosopher. Ha! Ha! (Williams)
Reno Running: Former Attorney General Janet Reno may run for governor of Florida. Pundits say she has to drive home her unique experience and leadership. In other words, that she's not just another pretty face. (Ray)
I've Got An Idea: "Governor Grey Davis has implemented a voluntary plan which he says will cut one seventh of the use of electricity across the state. It's called "No Internet Porn Wednesday." (Barach)
Test Preparation: "The White House announced that Bush recently submitted to a urine test. Not surprisingly, before taking the test, the president wrote the correct answers on his hand." (Conan O'Brien)
What a Doll: "Toy maker Mattel announced that it is releasing a Cher doll. The doll is 8 inches tall, fully poseable--and made of the same sturdy plastic that was used to make Cher." (Tina Fey)