In The News ...

No Go: Court papers filed in Washington indicate Albert Gore's old e-mails CANNOT be retrieved from dozens of White House backup tapes. They all laughed when the former Vice President said he invented the Internet - but conspiracy buffs might have second thoughts now. (Richard Burkard/ http://www.LaughLine.com)

Big Al: Did you see the "Drudge Report" posting about Al Gore that he's reportedly gained 40 pounds since Election Day? Apparently he's finally figured out why so many women loved President Clinton. It was that bouncing beer gut. Burkard)

Cost Of Business: The space shuttle "Endeavor" landed Tuesday ö but in California, not Florida. The "piggyback" flight back across the country will cost NASA about a million dollars. When will the space program put two and two together ö and let tourists pay to make THAT trip? (Burkard)

Sweeps Begin: Television enters its sweeps period. Neilsen breaks down its ratings results according to three age categories. Youth, Adults, and CBS. (Ray)

Bush Speak: ABC's Charles Gibson asked President Bush why he never spoke out on the racial unrest in Cincinnati. The President explained he gets involved in issues where he believes he can make a difference. Mr. Bush is probably right. The African-American protesters wouldn't have paid attention to a word he said. (Burkard)

Environmental Dubya: President Bush defended his environmental record on Tuesday, saying he was committed to clean air, water and land but that his decisions would be based on "sound science" rather than "some fad." Later in the day the White House announced all globes would be banished from the West Wing until those 'smart-ass science guys' had more than just 'theories' and 'numbers' to convince the President that the earth is not flat. (Miguel Alonso)

Handcuff Hooligans: The Supreme Court says traffic law violators may be arrested. Of course, the L-A-P-D rarely has to resort to such measures. They generally let the motorist off with a good beating. (Alan Ray)

Weak Link: "The Weakest Link" continues to do well in the ratings. Non-actors are made to look foolish in front of a prime time television audience. To copy its success, the WB may resurrect "The Tom Arnold Show". (Ray)

"Woody Allen is suing former friend and producer Jean Doumanian for allegedly stealing profits from his last eight movies. Hollywood insiders are shocked at the news...no one can believe Allen's last eight movies made a profit." (Jim Barach WTVH Syracuse, NY)

Tell me another Joke!

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