LowComDom Performances Presents
In The News ...
High Prices: Film ticket prices have climbed to $10 in big cities. Movie goers will have to admit this is still slightly cheaper than other forms of entertainment. For example, the Rasinettes. (Alan Ray)
Dinos Discovered: Scientists have found two new species of dinosaurs. Their sluggish pace was balanced with a durable exterior. The scientific names for them are Ford and Chrysler. (Ray)
So She Says: "Hillary Rodham Clinton was listed as the U.S. senator with the most expensive office. . . . She says there's nothing improper. And if you can't take Hillary Clinton's word on a real estate deal, then who can you trust?" (Argus Hamilton)
Energy Crisis: Because of the energy crisis, Seattle says they will fine people who use electricity to heat their hot tubs or pools. But that's not bothering Bill Gates. He's heating his pool by burning old Cisco stock. (Williams)
Insomniac: Because he doesn't like sleeping alone, Michael Jackson has 17 mannequins in his bedroom ... Err, wouldn't that be 17 "boyyequins?" (Williams)
Big PBS Show: The "Antique Roadshow" is coming to New York City for the first time. I didn't even know the Rolling Stones were touring. (Voldseth)
Navy Napalm: The U.S. Navy has eliminated its stockpile of Napalm bombs. Instead, it will rely on an updated, more destructive force. Subs powered by civilians. (Ray)
Less Women: A report says working women in the U.S. earn 25 percent less than men. This raises an important question among Republican leadership in Washington. "Are there women who work?" (Ray)
This just in: President George W. Bush has officially declared war on the English language. Stay further details tuned for. (Steve Voldseth)
Splitsville: It was this week in 1995 that Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett announced they were separating after 21 months of marriage.
--To Julia's credit, that's one full month longer than her acceptance speech. (Voldseth)
--Reached for comment, today, Lyle Lovett said, "I was married to Julia Roberts?" (Voldseth)