LowComDom Performances Presents
In The News ...
X-Rated: It's been reported in the tabloids that O. J. Simpson made a porno movie with two women. I believe the name of the movie is "Deep Throat Wound." (Steve Voldseth)
Banned in Salvador: Officials in the city of Salvador are calling for a ban on a song called "Tapinha Cara" (which translates into ''Slap on the Cheek'') because the lyrics are about a woman who asks her lover to slap her on the cheek. In a related story, Jennifer Lopez is calling it the "feel-good" song of the year. (Voldseth)
Bitter Divorce: A custody battle between Jean-Claude Van Damme and his ex-wife, Darcy LaPier Hughes, heated up this week, when Van Damme lost his temper, "threatened" Hughes and "threw a napkin at her." Reached for comment, O.J. Simpson had this word for Van Damme: "Amateur!"
Two for Lunch: "Les Moonves, who is the president of the CBS television network . . . had a five-hour luncheon meeting with Fidel Castro. . . . This lunch must have been quite something. On the one hand, you have this ruthless dictator surrounded by sniveling yes men, and then on the other hand, of course, you have Fidel Castro." (David Letterman)
Splitsville: How sad to hear "Survivor" host Jeff Probst has filed for divorce. Apparently his wife kicked HIM off their island five months ago....(Burkard)
Network Noose: ABC.com is laying off employees. Staffers been offered positions with the networks' new improv show. Whose Unemployment Line is it, Anyway? (Alan Ray)
Business Lunch: A financial audit of the Cincinnati Zoo has found employees guilty of using taxpayer money to pay for lunches at Hooters. Out of habit-- today, Bill Clinton pardoned them. (Steve Voldseth)
California Crisis: "According to people who make these things, there is a shortage of breast implants. They say the waiting period is 30 to 60 days. Let me tell you, this is going to hit California a lot harder than any power shortage." (Jay Leno)
Reagan Sails: The USS Ronald Reagan has been christened. Why is the Navy considering naming a submarine for Bill Clinton? Because it's a vessel that will sink to any lows. (Ray)
Big Ticket Item: In Manhattan, theaters are charging $10 to see a movie. Don't despair though. Factoring in your Bush tax cut, it'll cost you only $9.98. (Bill Williams ö email@example.com)
Monica, Monica: Monica Lewinsky has agreed to take part in an HBO documentary about her affair with Bill Clinton, its impact on the nation and what she's learned since. I believe it's called "See Spot. . . Run!" (Steve Voldseth)
Dick Heart: Dick Cheney recovers from angioplasty. While recuperating he communicates via e-mail to his immediate subordinate. "Dear George W...." (Alan Ray)