LowComDom Performances Presents
In The News ...
In Bureaucracy Birthday News: The U.S. Weather service is 130 years old today. Weather Service officials celebrated the occasion the same way they do every year: With a picnic followed by moving everything indoors. (Steve Voldseth)
On this day in the year 2525: if man is still alive and woman has survived, everything you think, do and say, is in the pill you took today. If you understand what I'm talking about right now, you've qualified to be our first musical dork of 2001. (Voldseth)
Only in L.A.: Going home from work last night, I'm driving down Hollywood Boulevard, I see a movie theater marquis, "What Women Want," nine dollars. Right below it I see a hooker with a sign, "What Men Want," fifty bucks. (Voldseth)
Action!!!: Madonna will star in a movie directed by her new husband, Guy Richie. The film will have a nude scene, because he doesn't want to be the only guy in the world without nude pictures of his wife. (Bill Williams/ firstname.lastname@example.org)
WhataGuy: George W. Bush says his administration plans "to protect the endangered species of America." Of course you gotta' remember: To W., the "endangered species of America" are CEO's in the 3% tax bracket. (Williams)
It's The Economy Stupid: A key industry group reported today, that the U.S. economy has failed to grow for the first time in ten years. And today the economy apologized for not growing. He said, "Look. I'm sorry. This has never happened to me before! I don't understand it... trust me, it's not you!" (Steve Voldseth)
Red Letter Day: It was on this day in 1898 that the first auto insurance policy was issued. The premium was $11.05. Which is a pretty good deal considering all the other drivers on the road were uninsured drivers. (Voldseth)
HEM Letters: Letters written by the late author Ernest Hemingway have been found. Some of his early ideas for manuscripts didn't catch on. "The Old Man and the Creek."
Congress Goes: Congress has begun another session. There's only one word for a politician who puts his own self interest over the needs of the public. Colleague. (Alan Ray)
Bush Nominees: President-elect George W. Bush toured the Pentagon last Wednesday. This marked an historic occasion. It was the first time he's ever visited a military establishment not on a weekend. (Ray)
CNN 400 Jobs: CNN is cutting 400 jobs. Some are being let go because of incompetence. Larry King's makeup person. (Ray)