LowComDom Performances Presents
Rules of Golf
THE RULES OF GOLF -- for good players whose scores would reflect their true ability if only they got an even break once in a while.
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled in the rough. Such veering right or left frequently results from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball, and the player should not be penalized for erratic behavior of the ball resulting from such uncontrollable mechanical phenomena.
A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed to not have hit the tree. Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game. The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there, preferably from atop a nice, firm tuft of grass.
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course somewhere and eventually will be found and pocketed by someone else. It thus becomes a stolen ball and the player should not compound the felony by charging himself with a penalty stroke.
In or near a bunker or sand trap, a ball rolling back toward the player may be hit again on the roll without counting any extra strokes. In any case, no more than two strokes are to be counted in playing from a bunker, since it is reasonable to assume that if the player had time to concentrate on his shot, instead of hurrying it so as not to delay his playing partners, he would be out in two.
If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it shall be deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop. The law of gravity supersedes the law of golf.
Same thing applies for a ball that stops at the brink of the hole and hangs there, defying gravity. You cannot defy the law.
Same thing for a ball that rims the cup. A ball should not go sideways. This violates the laws of physics.
A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as "You could blow it in!", may be actually blown in. This rule does not apply if the ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants to make a travesty of the game.