In The News ...

Violent Video: The Federal Trade Commission has denounced the marketing of violent video games to youth. Playstation's newest release may be too gruesome for some kids. Bobby Knight 2001. (Alan Ray)

Tough Gov.: Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura was recently on the David Letterman show....I tell you, that Jesse is one tough guy. He's so tough, he wears Firestone jockey shorts. (Bill Williams)

News From Vatican City: The Vatican reaffirms Catholicism to be the only true religion, but, in an ecumenical gesture, says contributions to the building fund are welcome from any quarter. (Feldman)

Nobel Prize: A Swedish scientist and two U.S. researchers were awarded the Nobel Prize in Medicine today for their contribution to the development of Prozac. Asked how they felt, the three scientists said they were happy, then they were sad, then they were happy again. (Steve Voldseth)

Juice Rapper: There are reports that O. J. Simpson will release a rap album. Asked to comment, rap star Eminem worried that this sort of thing could really give rap music a bad name. (Voldseth)

Going Down: The number of gun-related injuries dropped to a five year low last year according to a new government report. --Asked to comment, Puff Daddy said, "Hey, don't look at me! I'm doing my part!" (Voldseth)

No Exit: European scientists have developed a device that (they say) can accurately predict whether or not a crowd will stampede for the exits: A movie marquee with the words "Kevin Costner" on it. (Steve Voldseth)

Texas Executes: Texas has executed yet another inmate. The state can expect legal action soon. Tobacco companies may sue for trademark infringement. (Ray)

Kathie Lee: There are rumors in Hollywood that Kathie Lee Gifford may soon be getting her own TV sitcom. I believe they're calling it, "Just Shoot Us." (Steve Voldseth)

Some sad news: Philip Warner, chief obituary writer for The Daily Telegraph has passed away at the age of 86. Warner's last words were: "Philip Warner, chief obituary writer for The Daily Telegraph has passed away at the age of 86." (Voldseth)

Tell me another Joke!

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