The National Daily World Enquiring Globe

Film Review - Glimmer Man, The

The movies of Steven Seagal tend not to be complicated. Steven wants to be Master Po from Kung Fu to the rest of the world. But when bad guys show up, he beats the crap out of them. The Glimmer Man is cut from this cloth.

Seagal is a transplanted ex-CIA, ex-New York cop who wears Eastern clothing, beads and claims he can't fight. Well ... it's against his religion. Then he beats the shit out of everyone.

Keenen Ivory Wayans is Seagal's LAPD partner. He doesn't buy Seagal's Master Po act. He doesn't understand the incense, the beads, the powdered deer penis (don't ask). These two make up our reluctant Starsky & Hutch.

Then we got the bad guys. Uh ... well they're killing a lot of people and nailing the bodies to the wall crucifixion style. For a long time we don't know why, and when they get around to telling us, it doesn't make any sense and we don't care.

Seagal is stuck in his emotionless trap. Even though he counsels Wayans that crying is good for you because it's cleansing, Seagal can't show grief or anger or anything else, for that matter. Seagal is calm, cool and collected even in the fights.

Steven, life ain't like that. Getting beat up hurts. Seeing people who have been brutally murdered doesn't warrant a response of nothing. If you dropped this macho crap, you might be able to reach some people. Wayans' character isn't Mr. Spock and gets all of the really good lines. However, The Glimmer Man conspires to tell us that unemotional people (such as Seagal) are stronger.

OK, this was a bang bang shoot 'em up, and I like those, but please sir, I want some more.

Jammed Pipe!

Film Facts

Directed by John Gray

Released in 1996

MPAA Rating: R

Reviewed by Mongo