The Dictionary - G

G String

1. The gownless evening strap.

Garbage

1. Aromatic computer output.
2. A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which mom assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself.

Gardening

1. A "make work" program designed to keep husbands out of strip clubs.

Gargoyle

1. An olive-flavored mouthwash.

Gaudy

1. See Vegas, Las

Geek

1. See Nerd. This person likes it.

Generica

1. Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."

Genes

1. Blue denim slacks.

Generica

1. Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."

Genius

1. A nudist with a memory for faces.
2. A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".

Gentle

1. Reproductive Organ
2. Non-Jewish

G.I. Series

1. A soldier ball game.

GIGO

1. Garbage In, Garbage Out
   See Fat-Finger.

Gigolo

1. A fee-male.

Giraffiti

1. Vandalism spray-painted very, very high up on walls.

Glass

1. Chinese marijuana.

Glazing

1. Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"

Glibido

1. All talk and no action.

Gloves

1. Designed to be tight enough around the wrist to restrict circulation, but not so close fitting as to allow any manual dexterity. They should also admit moisture from the outside without permitting any dampness within to escape.

God

1. 
   You were expecting some old man? Get real, God's a woman. I know; she makes hot chocolate for me when I'm nice. Being all-knowing, she has also been known to find lost CDs, and provide nice weather upon request.
2. When you can't remember their name, use this one.

Going Postal

1. Totally stressed out and losing it, like postal employees who went on shooting rampages.

Gold Digger

1. A gal who believes in sinner take all.

Goldenstern's Rules

1. Always hire a rich attorney
2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Good Breeding

1. That quality which enables a person to wait in well mannered silence, while the loudmouth gets service.

GOOD Job

1. A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts; one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Good Old Days, The

1. A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Gossip

1. A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Gourmet

1. A food fetishist.

Government Expert

1. One who complicates simple things.

GPF

1. Get Pissed Friday. A British tradition of having lunch at the Pub. (Bangers and Mash with 5 pints of bitter.) Oddly, the phenomenon isn't limited to Friday. GPF sounds better than GPBILT (Get Pissed Because It's Lunch Time.)

Grade

1. Unrealistic and limited measure of academic accomplishment.

Grandfather

1. A man whose daughter once married someone who was vastly her inferior mentally but consequently gave birth to unbelievably brilliant grandchildren.

Grandmother

1. A babysitter who doesn't hang around the refrigerator.

Grand Paparazzi

1. When your Dad can't put down the camera right after you've had a baby.

Grandparents

1. The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Grantartica

1. The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding.

Gravity

1. One of four fundamental forces in nature that affect skiers. The other three are the strong force, which makes bindings jam; the weak force, which makes ankles give way on turns; and electromagnetism, which produces dead batteries in expensive ski resort parking lots. See Inertia.

Graybar Land

1. The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."

Gray Matter

1. Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.

Grey Matter

1. Brains.

Grocery List

1. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Gross

1. An Executive's salary.

Ground Beef

1. A cow with no legs.

Group (of Passengers)

1. A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) traveling together. The group leader, who has the tickets, usually waits in the bar until the required pre-board time of five minutes before departure or until there are no seats left together, whichever occurs last. Reservation agents are prohibited form pre-assigning seats to groups as this may convenience them.

GUI

1. What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Guide

1. A person slightly less lost than you, who is paid to decide what to do next.

Guillozine

1. A magazine for executioners.

Gullible

1. 
   Click on Missy's picture. She'll believe anything you tell her.

Gum

1. Adhesive for the hair.

Guru

1. One who knows more jargon than you.