The Dictionary - F

F

1. A grade that can usually be altered to look like a "B" on a test paper.

Fable

1. A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Fad

1. A folly committed by enough of the right people to confer upon it the badge of status.

False Pregnancy

1. Laboring under a misconception.

Falsehood

1. Someone who pretends to be a gangster.

Family Friendly

1. To dumb-down a performance to the point where only a person of five could enjoy it.

Family Planning

1. The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Famous Last Words

1. "This is easy!"

FAQ

1. Used with U, wut you yell when someone cuts ya off.

Fascism

1. Goosestepping to the sound of the only drummer.

Fashion

1. A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Fat-Finger

1. To introduce a typo while editing in such a way that the resulting manglification of a configuration file does something useless, damaging, or wildly unexpected. "NSI fat-fingered their DNS zone file and took half the net down again."

Father

1. Someone who has redeemed the money in his wallet for snapshots.

Father-in-law

1. The fellow who is now happy to have paid for the wedding because now his wife another man to harrass.

FCS

1. A software development phrase. Basically, when everyone is sick and tired of trying to fix the bugs in the software, it is sent to manufacturing for disk duplication and packaging. Then First Customer Shipment occurs. Two days later, the Tech Support phone is jammed.

Feast

1. An eat wave.

Feast of the Vestal Virgins

1. Cherries jubilee.

Feature Creep

1. The bloating of software with too many features.
2. A nasty software developer.

Feedback

1. The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Feelawful

1. Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

Feng Shui

1. Chinese for 'Load of Crap'.

FEU

1. Frickin End User

Feudalism

1. When it's your Count that votes.

Few, A

1. A bit more than two.

Fiber

1. Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

Fiber-seeking Backhoe

1. Any of a genus of large, disruptive machines which routinely cut critical backbone links, creating Internet outages and packet over air problems.
2. A slut with a dietary problem.

Fibrillate

1. To tell lies.

File

1. A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet -- except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.

Film

1. A substance which develops over your eyes after watching the same Bugs Bunny cartoon three times this week.

Film Department

1. A museum of people who still have the mistaken notion that television is an art.

Filter

1. Software that corrupts one file format into another. Many e-mail programs offer the capability to filter e-mail directly into the trash.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives

1. Anything that can go wrong, wheell.

Finger

1. What you give a driver who cuts you off.

First Inversion

1. Grandpa's battle group at Normandy.

First Trimester

1. The first three months of pregnancy when you wonder, "Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"

Fitness

1. Salvation through perspiration.

Fixed Word Length

1. Four letter words used by programmers to describe their state of confusion.

Flabbergasted

1. Appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Flamethrower

1. A bouncer at a gay night club.

Flashlight

1. A device for storing dead batteries.

Flattery

1. Phony express.

Flatulence

1. The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Flight Risk

1. Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

Flight Schedule

1. An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

Floor Director

1. Somebody with the mental acumen of a Fig Newton bar who is still trying to develop manual skills and must be counted to.

Floppy

1. The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Flow Chart

1. A graphic representation of a bowl of spaghetti.

FNG

1. Fuckin' New Guy - The latest slave to join your organization. Everything is his fault.

Fog

1. A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs around an airport while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used to delay flights.

Food

1. The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question "What's for dinner tonight?"

Football Game

1. A sport where a spectator takes four quarters to finish a fifth.

Foreploy

1. Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Format

1. A small rug to wipe your feet on on a muddy day.

Fortune Cookie

1. A random quote, such as ...
   Two can live as cheaply as one... for half as long.

404

1. Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found", meaning the requested document couldn't be located. ("Don't bother asking him, he's 404.")

486

1. The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

Freakish

1. A condition where a person wakes up in the morning, and everything goes well for the rest of the day.

Freelance

1. To collect unemployment.

French Horn

1. Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 AM.

Freudian Slip

1. When you say something but mean a mother.

Friend

1. A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

Frisbeetarianism

1. The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Frog

1. The only living thing that has more lives than a cat. It croaks every night.

Frogman

1. A dude from Paris.

Frozen

1. A type of food.
2. How hell will be when Mom lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle.

Frustration

1. Trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

Frying Pan

1. Standard instrument of destruction for eggs, pancakes, and various vegatable matter. Remains may be removed from surface with diluted solution of sulfuric acid.

Fuckin-A!

1. The motto of New York City.

FUD

1. Defined by Gene Amdahl: "FUD is the fear, uncertainty, and doubt that IBM sales people instill in the minds of potential customers who might be considering [Amdahl] products." The idea was to persuade them to go with safe IBM gear rather than with competitors' equipment. After 1990 the term FUD was associated increasingly frequently with Microsoft, and has become generalized to refer to any kind of disinformation used as a competitive weapon.

Full Name

1. What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Funeral Home

1. A stately manse occupied by transients who continually receive visitors but lack the energy and inclination to entertain them.