A relative unit of measure. Unlike units such as meters which can be quantified as to how far a photon travels in a vacuum in 1/299,792,458 of a second, the relative unit of measure will vary from person to person based on their diet. The scale looks something like this.
Buttload - A pantload and a half. An amount beyond containment.
Pantload - Two complete shitloads, equivalent to 2694 raises or 898 squats
Shitload - A very large quantity, equivalent to 1347 raises or 449 squats
Little - in fact the difference between little and damned little is too little to justify this space.
Damned Little - two squats, or five pittances, or 6 raises
Squat - Two and a half pittances, or three raises.
Pittance - a bit more than "You call this a raise?" but not much more.
You call this a Raise? - not worth mentioning at all.
Dancing Baloney
Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."
Date
Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
Dating
The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
Daughter
A person who dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who mother is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.
Dead Tree Edition
The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
Death
To stop sinning suddenly.
Debate
What lures de fishes.
Debugger
A roach motel.
Debugging
Removing needles from a haystack.
Decaflon
The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Deduce
De lowest card in de deck.
Default Directory
Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to.
Deferral
Don't hold your breath.
Deja Nu
Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face but not knowing exactly when.
Delay
The greatest remedy for anger.
Delayed Payment
A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Denial
How an optimist keeps from becoming a pessimist.
Denounce
Words that name things, not de verbs, de adjectives, etc.
Dentistry
A medical science concerning the teeth and gums, unknown in England.
Dentures
Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.
Depotphobia
Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.
Design
What you regret not doing later on.
Deskfast
Breakfast designed to be eaten conveniently at one's workstation, i.e. A nice clean clinical muesli bar, not a greasy cooked breakfast. Good manners used to dictate that one would not eat on the move or in the office, but not now according to analysts. One said: "Young office workers are pressed for time and looking for a fast and functional breakfast solution." Related to "no-think food", "one-handed food", and "commuter food".
Desparation
Teethmarks on the toilet door.
Detroit
The Baghdad of the New World.
Where the weak are killed and eaten.
Diaphragm
A trampoline for dickheads.
Dictionary
The only place where:
Divorce comes before marriage.
Success comes before work.
Dieting
The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Diet Coke®
What you must bring to lunch when you eat at Taco Bell®.
Diet Soda
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Digital
Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.
Digital Control
Wut yur fingers do on the TV remote.
Digital Signature
Fingerprints.
Dijon Vu
The same mustard as before.
Dilate
To live longer.
Diminished Fifth
An empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
Diplomacy
The art of letting someone else have your way.
DIP Switch
How my sister gets a new boyfriend.
Discahkentude
Looking like one isn't involved while one's dog goes to the bathroom on a neighbor's lawn.
A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Disoriyenta
When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
Divorce Court
A hall of blame.
Document
Repeating what your doctor told you in your own words.
Documentation
Describes the way the program used to be, or perhaps the way it should have been.
Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for English speaking persons.
Dogfooding
From the saying, "We eat our own dog food." to mean one uses their own products. One such example of dogfooding is the military phenomena of "friendly fire" where the same army shoots the bullet and is hit by that same projectile.
Doggie-Style
A sexual position where the woman rolls over and plays dead.
Dogma
A mother dog.
Doltergeist
A spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.
Domestic Harmony
Music produced when a husband plays second fiddle.
Donut
Cop bait.
Doomed
You have created a product that will forever improve the quality of life for every living soul on Earth. Then Micro$oft notices you.
Door
Something to slam when you're pissed.
Dopelar Effect
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
Dorito Syndrome
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
Dorm
Student residence located only a few convenient miles from 8 a.m. classes.
Dorm Room
A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of incompatible people.
DOS
An operating system used by lemmings.
DOS computers are by far the most popular. Mac users, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Download
Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Drill Press
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
Drinking Glass
Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DRM
Digitally Removed Music
Drug
A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
Due Date
What only seems light-years away.
Dufi
The plural of dufus.
Dumbwaiter
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Dump
Your first apartment.
Going to the bathroom.
Dust
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Insideous interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone.
Dust Rags
Dad's Underwear.
Dutch Treat
When two businessmen have dinner and each uses his own expense account.
